To a large percentage of the population, “No Nut November” may be a strange and confusing holiday tradition. However, as we enter the titular month of November, I take it upon myself to bestow Millenial/Gen Z wisdom upon those so puzzled by this saying. So no, no one has suddenly developed nut-free diets, you can still roast chestnuts over an open fire. Here’s what NNN is all about.
The challenge is rumored to have stemmed from No Shave November, when men do not shave for the entirety of the month of November and grow a beard, usually for a charitable cause. No Nut November is a challenge in which a person cannot orgasm for the entire 30 days of November. Apparently, this parody challenge was posted on Urban Dictionary in 2011, and it took off among the greater population soon after. However, the challenge has allegedly already existed, in the dark world of reddit, subreddits, the dreaded 4-chan, and very notably in the Seinfeld episode “The Contest”. One of these reddits, titled “NoFap,” was used to help people with sexual addictions and to try to lessen their dependence on masturbation.
There are, of course, rules for NNN, yet they are varied, as not everyone agrees on all of them, and some people have allowances and “House Rules”. However, there is one rule set that the majority of people seem to agree on, which is below.
No Nut November, however, has become a much larger movement, and does not focus on sexual-addiction self help. It is simply a competitive contest founded on the internet, that has risen to cataclysmic levels of popularity. These challenges are traditionally based towards the male population, however there are no rules that forbid females from participating. As real and true science proves, it may be much easier for females (but only the straight ones) to complete No Nut November, as they are orgasming 65% of the time that they participate in sexual activity anyway. Participants take to the internet to report their progress, struggles, and results. Many people claim that the spike in testosterone has given them superhuman powers:
Day 14 of #NoNutNovember
My mental strength has become superhuman. Without maps, I can find the nearest Denny’s from anywhere. I can hold open doors for women with just my mind and can solve any calculus problem in seconds. This is how that virgin Isaac Newton must’ve felt.
— McCringus (@CumFather) November 14, 2018
Day 12 of #NoNutNovember
I can make wine out of water now. I sleep upside down like a bat and I can see demons. I met with the grim reaper today and told him when he was going to die. I can walk on water and melt ice by putting it in the freezer— Thxmemixth (@thxmemixth) November 12, 2018
Looking at the dramatic examples, I decided to check in with the student body as to how the November Challenge was going for them.
One Student I asked proclaimed “I don’t believe in No Nut November.” causing me to respond with “Not well, then?”.
“I do No Shave November!” the person responded. I astutely observed that he has not a smidge of facial hair to be seen.
I asked my second subject how their NNN was going.
Student 2: I don’t think I’ve missed a single day of nutting.
Me: So you are nutting every day?
Student 2: Absolutely
I asked the third student, who gave me a bemused look when I told him the response would be recorded.
Student 3: Awful. I’ve nutted almost every day.
Me: So not well?
Student 3: I’m enjoying it? Like I’m failing, but I’m still nutting…so….
I went to all the other Students and asked them, verbatim, “How is your No Nut November going?”
Student 4: It’s going good.
Me: So you’re still winning?
Student 4: Its rough, yeah, but we’re gonna make it.
Student 5: I’ve got a good streak going, but I was looking at the clock before midnight on October 30th, and I thought I had time. But when I finished it was 20 minutes past.
Me: But not since then?
Student 5: No.
Student 6: I was eating some peanuts yesterday..so…
Student 7: I haven’t been keeping track
Me: So when was the last time you nutted?
Student 7: Not last month.
Student 8: Great
Me: Have you nutted?
Student 8: Nope. I’m still going strong. By the 2nd week you’re supposed to start levitating you know.
I had gathered enough information to be slightly disappointed on how many students had failed so early. But moving forward, I should inform you what happens after No Nut November.
I had gathered enough information to be slightly disappointed on how many students had failed so early. But moving forward, I should inform you what happens after No Nut November:Destroy Dick December (Not Recommended) would entail. Destroy Dick December is, in many ways, the opposite of NNN. In Destroy Dick December, the first day the participant is required to reach orgasm one time. On the second day, two times. This continues, like some sort of perverse advent calendar, until the participant must orgasm 31 times on the last day of December and welcome the New Year with a destroyed dick. Though it sounds very difficult to orgasm 31 times in one day, it is very possible. As a matter of fact, Destroy Dick December will potentially be easier for females as they have a much shorter refractory period, compared to a male’s usual 15 minutes. The current record for most orgasms in an hour for males is 16, while the female record is a whopping 134. This, as you can see, would make it much easier for a female to complete Destroy Dick December.
Overall, these perverse challenges, and references to them may confuse ye olden types, or just people who don’t like to submit themselves to the horror of the internet. So, with this handy guide, you are now able to understand NNN and DDD. You probably wish you were not. You’re welcome!
Sources
“10 Of the Raunchiest World Records.” Yahoo!, Yahoo!, 20 Mar. 2012, https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/10-raunchiest-world-records-090000494.html.
“What Does No Nut November Mean?” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, 29 Oct. 2019, https://www.dictionary.com/e/pop-culture/no-nut-november/.
“The Point of ‘No Nut November’: How Long Can You Go Without Nutting?” Popdust, Popdust, 4 Nov. 2019, https://www.popdust.com/history-no-nut-november-2641188479.html.
Scott, Ellen. “What’s the Deal with No Nut November?” Metro, Metro.co.uk, 14 Nov. 2018, https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/14/what-is-no-nut-november-8137643/.